Update

I have been barely holding my crazy together for a matter of months now.

There is a microcosm/macrocosm thing going on here too as I look at the world and see my crazy out there reflected back at me.

But I am desperately trying to hold that crazy in, for the same reason I don't use other people's bathrooms. Your rose tinted toiletpaper is your business, and you don't need to know I mostly use self check out lanes at the grocery store so I won't have to talk to another human. So I won't have to look another person in the eye. 

Which goes double for mirrors, because while I suspect the other people know, I know I know. Boy, do I know. My gaze is the worst of all, and the most painful.

So I pretend to sit shiva and take back doors, little used alleyways, and paths rarely trodden.

Wherever you go, there you are.